Exes are easy prey,” a close friend recently remarked, diving into a discussion on how a simple check-in call to an ex can quickly lead to intimacy, suggesting it's a tactic some men use to their advantage. But why do women go along? Why are there so many stories of women engaging in hopes of something more? At times, men also give in, hoping for reconciliation, only to find it's just about the moment.

Some women think sleeping with their ex will change him, but that's rarely the case. Women may misinterpret physical intimacy as love, wondering why they keep returning if not for affection.

Begging for satisfaction

The truth is, he returns because she lets him. Some women keep their body count low by sleeping with exes, but this perpetuates old-fashioned ideas about women and sex. This 'dickmatisation' idea suggests women settle for subpar relationships due to a belief they won't find better.

Having sex with an ex just for the thrill undermines your agency. Enjoying intimacy is important, but it should be on your terms.

Having sex with an ex often goes beyond physical intimacy. It's also about seeking feelings of love and validation, typically only experienced during those moments of intimacy. Some individuals fall into a pattern of engaging with their ex regularly, driven by a deep yearning for connection. They may avoid asking for more out of fear that their ex might leave them again. Additionally, they might struggle to decline sex due to a fear of loneliness and the end of the connection.

In many cases, one partner ends up neglecting their own needs while prioritizing the needs of their ex. These needs span from sexual to intellectual and emotional desires. Anxiety plays a significant role in this dynamic, as individuals with an anxious attachment style often experience "breakup phobia." This fear drives them to sustain the relationship at any cost, even if it means sacrificing their well-being.

Anxious attachment style

Sex with an ex isn't just physical; it's about feeling loved and needed. Some settle for less, fearing rejection if they ask for more or say no. Anxiety and attachment issues play a significant role here.

Individuals who exhibit an anxious attachment style, seek attention and affection intensely. They may feel a euphoric rush when their partner offers even minor displays of affection. They're often willing to endure significant emotional distress to avoid the relationship's end. However, this isn't genuine love, despite their desire to label it as such. It represents a painful repetition of unhealthy attachment patterns learned in their childhood and early relationships.

To break the cycle, one needs to recognise your role and seek help if needed. It’s about valuing yourself and moving towards healthier relationships.

Breaking free from such a harmful cycle involves acknowledging one's role in perpetuating toxic behaviour. It's crucial to recognize the emotions affected by this cycle without diminishing their impact. Ask yourself why you're willing to settle for a compromised version of your ideal love and for how long you've been doing so. Focus on self-improvement, addressing unhealthy attachment styles, and possibly a diminished sense of self-worth. Define your vision of an ideal relationship and strive towards it without undervaluing yourself. Most importantly, seek support by opening up to a trusted friend or therapist. It takes strength to seek help and start the journey towards healthier relationships.

QUICK BITES

Police Warn JKIA is Protected Area Ahead of #OccupyJKIA Protests

Authorities have cautioned demonstrators against entering restricted zones before the scheduled anti-government protests in Nairobi on Tuesday dubbed ‘OccupyJKIA’ after a previous Parliament buildings edition dubbed ‘OccupyParliament’ and the ‘OcuppyCBD’ march in the Nairobi city centre. However, acting Police Inspector General Douglas Kanja on Monday said while it is every Kenyan’s right to protest, they must take note of the legal boundaries that govern access to protected areas like the Jomo Kenyatta International Airport (JKIA).

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PS Bitok: ID Card Renewal Every 10 Years Is Standard Practice, Similar to France

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Carrol Sonnie Says Mulamwah’s Relationship with Daughter Fine

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When pressed to clarify what “fine” meant, Sonnie reiterated, “It’s okay,” prompting Jeff to probe further about the father-daughter relationship.

Ricca Pokot Joins Churchill Show as Kids Corner Co-Host

Ricca Pokot, daughter of renowned DJ Pierra Makena who recently celebrated her 8th birthday, is the new co-host for the Kids Corner segment on Churchill Show. Pierra Makena took to social media to announce the news, captioning her post with gratitude: “God has done it again!!!!! Ricca is now the co-host for @mwalimchurchill @churchillshowkenya kids corner. Blessings on blessings.